When the current of thoughts is self-liberated
every experience is full of joy.
Hey-ho, the happy yogi!

(paraphrased from memory from Sadhana of Mahamudra by the Vidyadhara, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche)

This morning I fell into a very old pattern of mine, an old friend, if you will, which is longing to be with someone that is unavailable. This is my own personal hungry ghost realm, where I get to feel small and needy and if only I could get that someone, be close to them, talk to them, it would be all ok. Of course, actually meeting them makes it worse, because it just increases the sense of longing and despair.

Well, I caught it this morning, and although I felt it quite strongly, I was not completely caught in it, so I didn’t act it out (that is go and see the person or call them). Instead I went and did some practice (stroke of Ashe, for those who know it) which has a tendency to just cut straight through neurosis, but it also has a strong feeling of longing.

And what happened was that longing did not go away, but it lost its neurotic quality and instead changed into just longing. Longing to be awake, longing to reconnect with my heart, longing to love and feel loved. In Shambhala terms, longing for the Great Eastern Sun.

I wonder if this is not actually at the root of all our longings anyway, this desire to know who we truly are? To meet our true raw hearts and see that we have never been separate?