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Time to go back to more buddhist approaches with this latest drama. This morning as I woke up, one of the first things I felt was pain, not of the “oh my god, I’m going to die” kinda pain, but pain nonetheless. So then I figured, well, might as well do some practice with it, since it’s here already, and doesn’t seem to go anywhere. The best way for me so far to work with these kinds of things is exchanging self for other. It’s really quite simple.

I try to feel fully the pain in me, and then I think of the other person, who I know is probably feeling quite similar things, and I think - “Since I am already feeling this pain, let me take the pain you feel so you might be free of it. And whatever joy or lightness I might have, I give it to you, so that a smile might come to your face once again. ” There’s a whole formal practice called tonglen that goes with this, but this is kind of the gist of it.  This in itself is quite powerful - suddenly, what was a problem before - pain - now becomes an inspiration, it becomes workable, something with some kind of meaning. Then, what really makes the flip, is that you think bigger - well, this situation is really not just between us, think of how many other people are suffering immensely in these kind of triangles. So, again, since you’re already feeling the pain, and it’s not going to get any bigger anyway, you take in the pain of all of those people as well, and send them some kind of relief - a smile on their faces, glimmers of joy, cup of hot chocolate or coffee. :) whatever might be helpful.

It doesn’t really make the pain go away, but it gets us in touch with our big, wonderful hearts, and our relationship with pain changes. Yes, I still wish things were different, and  that our friendship would continue. But at the core of our relationship is just care, or dare I even say it - love. And that just wants the other to be happy, no matter where the other is, who is it with, and if we see each other or not. It doesn’t care at all about such conditions and getting anything back. The exchange seems to liberate this part and dissolves the attachment part. For a little while at least, but I’ll take whatever I get. :)