Clarity’s blog

I’ve just had my entry interview for the psychotherapy school and I’m accepted! Yay!

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I’ve been wanting to change my career for quite a while now, but somehow the circumstances were never right. As much as I still like working with computers, I feel that I’ve done quite enough - I just can’t imagine myself working with this same stuff 20yrs down the road. I’m tired of it, and sick of it to some extent.
On the other hand, I’ve always been interested in psychotherapy, however the situation in Slovenia was never quite clear as to how to go about studying it. However, this year there’s finally an official university psychotherapy study.
So, I think I’ll just jump in. It’s a big commitment, both time-wise and money-wise, but it just feels right.
I feel that it could help me a lot in my work as a med. instructor, and also that I have the skills and abilities that would enable me to be good at it. In many ways, it is a livelihood that is much more in alignment with my bodhisatva vow and aspiration.
It’s about two of my favorite topics - people and mind. How can I resist?
I am concerned though as to how that will impact my work as a teacher and group coordinator, but I guess we’ll just have to see.
Still, there’s lots of fear coming up at this point and doubt. I’ll be sending in the application form in a few hours, so ego still has a chance to grill me until then. And probably much more later as well.
Time to raise windhorse, invoke the energy of the garuda, and just let go and fly!
Yikes!

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If you are sitting and know what you’re doing than that’s called meditation. Otherwise it’s just called waiting.

Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

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How can I ever repay your kindness?

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A monarch sits
on his royal throne,

so much to do,
so little time.

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The abisheka is starting in less than 2 hours. The day already started auspiciously, with 4 (four!) rainbows appearing this morning. At the same time. On a sunny day. A semi-circular one right in the middle of the sky.
And we haven’t even started yet!

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“Banquets and toasts are my ngondro. It looks like I’ll have to do 100.000 of them!”
Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche

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Well, it’s finally starting. Most people have arrived today, and it’s quite a crowd.
It’s quite interesting to see that I know quite the majority of them, we’ve done together one program or another in the past years.
Unfortunately, it seems that once again I might be the youngest person in the program! That’s the problem with these so-called “advanced” programs - in Europe there’s just not that many young(er) people in our sangha who can attend them. Oh well.
Another nice thing happened today - I was looking for a quiet place to eat and I sat down next to one guy and he turns out to be in charge of the service at the Court (where the Sakyong is staying), and he asks me if I’d like to serve. Of course I immediately said yes, so I’ll be serving Rinpoche lunch on Thursday.
To the outsider this whole situation with serving the teacher might seem strange, but it is actually quite a skillful means to allow many people to have more contact with the Sakyong. As our sangha grows more and more, having personal contact with him becomes more and more difficult, so it is nice at least to have this option.
And it is just such a pleasure to be able to serve your teacher - and I am not really sure how to explain why this is so.
Devotion is one of the main aspects of the tantric teachings, and while I am really a complete beginner at this, I am slowly beginning to understand its importance. I mean, the root guru is the one person who shows the true nature of your mind to you, and how can there possibly be anything more precious in the entire universe? Every time you see him, it reminds you of your own true nature, your own naked mind that he pointed out to you so skillfully. It completely transcends any words I can possibly think of.

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on the road, kill him.

(this zen saying has for some reason been on my mind for the last few days)

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Sitting under a starry sky,
looking at the almost full moon,
trying to think of a poem to go with it.

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well, I made it. 12 hours all together, I guess not too bad. Charles de Gaulle airport is as confusing as ever, takes ages to get away from it.
Travel makes me really spaced out, and it usually takes me a few days to really arrive. Still, it is just so nice to be back here in Dechen Choling. Part of me always wonders, why the hell don’t I just stay here…
I’m too tired to write much more right now, time to take a shower and go to bed.
I’m actually a few days earlier here, because I’m part of the staff for the program - I’ll be doing audio recording, and that’s why I also have my laptop with me. Which is a bit of a two-sided sword… It’s nice to have, but it’s also quite a distraction, and I usually just really want to immerse myself completely in the program without any connection with the outside world. Having wireless internet available on the land is definitely not helping with that!
The actual program starts on wednesday, so hopefully I’ll have some of this time for practice, letting me finish my ngondro completely.

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the toilets at the airport are hmm, in need of improvement.
Especially striking are some of the cunning words of art written on the doors:

“Fikret sral tu!” - Fikret shat here
“Fuck Aerodrom”

and the gem of gems
“Fuck what I Stay!”

LOL

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well, an interesting thing happened. for the first time in my life, i got upgraded to flying in business class for some reason. which is quite nice, as I was 5kg over the baggage limit, and I’m sure they’d charge me an arm and a leg for that otherwise.
Will see if business class flying experience is any different. More leg room I hope.
Oh, and wi-fi at Brnik airport works just fine, although it’s expensive as hell.
Boarding should start at any moment, if they’ll be on time.
Bon voyage to me!

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after 3.5 hours, I’m done packing. Whew! Why on earth do I leave this until the last moment? Now quickly to bed, have to get up in 6 hrs.

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I’m off to
Rigden Abisheka tomorrow, and I’ll be gone for about 12 days.
This will be the largest program ever in Dechen Choling, around 230 people. It will be given by my root guru, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. It’s been quite a while since I’ve last seen him, and am very very happy to have this chance.
And of course, the Abisheka itself. You could say that it’s the culmination of my 12 years of practice.

You wouldn’t believe the wardrobe I’m bringing with me for this.
We’re supposed to be wearing all white for the Abisheka itself, which was quite difficult to find.
And we’re also going to be doing ngondro practice, and we won’t be able to wash things so I’ll be bringing:
- enough t-shirts for 12 days, sweatpants, nonformal clothes
- lots of formal clothes - two formal jackets, one white and one black, matching pants, probably around 6-8 shirts, long sleeved,short sleeved, matching ties (i even have white ties!)
- ngondro materials - i’ll be bringing my own rice with me (sheesh!)
- plus the usual socks, shoes, sleeping bag, rain gear, a zafu

This will be more packed then when I went for the one month retreat. I might take some photos of trying to pack it all in.
It’s 19:30 now and I really have to start ironing all of these shirts and pants. As usual, I leave it up to the last moment…

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