That’s how I was for the last few days. Lots of aggression coming  up, in response to different things.

While it was quite painful, I have to say I almost felt glad it was happening. As yucky as this energy can be sometimes, it also wakes me up tremendously, and more and more, this is what I appreciate, even if I don’t like the texture of it. There’s lots of clarity and precision in anger, and it has a piercing quality that sometimes enables me to see what i’m doing with an unapologetic sharpness. It hurts, and it’s embarassing to see so clearly my many faults, my attachments to how things should be, and how annoyed I get when things don’t go the way I want, my expectations of others, my feelings of being right,…

But somehow this time, at some point, I stopped and felt glad that I felt the way I did. Even though it felt crappy. But I was not sleeping anymore, going through my life with dullness, just drifting and following one day after another. What on earth am I doing with my life? Is this how I want to really spend it?

I’m not sure if this post makes any sense at all.