Clarity’s blog

I think one of my more annoying faults is that I keep ignoring/postponing things. Like what I just did - I still need to do 4 days of Primordial Rigden Ngondro before the abisheka. I had a plan of going to Hamburg for it, but I thought I’d first check if there was anything closer. Ticket to Hamburg was 130 EUR at that time. I kept posponing the whole thing until today, when I found out I just missed a 4 day retreat in London and the ticket went up to 215 EUR. Sigh. That’s a bit too much for 4 days.
Now if anyone knows a cheap way of getting from Slovenia to Hamburg, or another place where I could finish my ngondro, it would be much appreciated.
Or perhaps somebody wants to come and visit Slovenia and also do their Primordial Ngondro ? You’ll get free stay with me!

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Why do I always fall in love with people who are not available?
Must be that wish for suffering, I guess.

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a wave of sadness and longing comes flying through my heart…

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Before going rollerblading check if it’s raining outside. If the sun is shining it does not mean it is not raining as well.

(*) TM by BeeBee

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I did a stupid thing. A thing that I vowed that I won’t do again. And I hurt another person, as I did before.
Will this never end? Sigh. How long do I need to keep repeating the same mistakes before I finally learn?
Buddhas, bodhisattvas, all the dharma protectors, I call upon you. Please grant me your blessings, so that I will not hurt other beings. Grant me awareness that sees what I’m doing, and the ability to say NO. Please, please, let me learn how to say no to my stupidity.
Dharma protectors, wake me up, shake me up, slap me in the face so I see what I’m doing.
I do not want to hurt others anymore or myself. It is enough.
I know I am Buddha, as are all beings. All this stupidness can never touch my true nature, I know that. I have been pure from beginningless time, I know that.
But I know it just in my thoughts and I keep doing what hurts me and others.
Please grant your blessings, that no matter how long it takes, one of these lifetimes, I finally learn how not to cause harm.

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and then it hit me… It’s all just thoughts! All my opinions are just thoughts!
When I express them so passionately… still just thoughts!
When I feel insulted by how people tell me I’m wrong… just thoughts And I don’t have to finish the thought or explain to myself why the thought is not needed or say to myself that I’m right for having these thoughts. I can just let them go! As simple as that ….

this is from a post of one of my students that recently started blogging. Isn’t it wonderful when we get insights like that? In a way it is nothing revolutionary, but when it really hits us like this, something changes forever.

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We’ve just finished our weekly group practice, we’ve been doing shamatha practice and compassion practice. The latter one brought up a lot of emotions for the majority of us. It’s quite amazing what just a few minutes of this kind of practice can bring up.
It left me quite raw, partly from my own experience, partly from the experience of others. When one touches his/her heart, it spreads, you can’t pretend nothing happened, can’t hide it because everyone feels it.
It’s hard to stay with this rawness of the heart, both painful and joyfull, or perhaps full is a better term. I didn’t want my friends to go, didn’t want to be left alone, yet I couldn’t ask them to stay. I somehow just felt the need to share this feeling with another human being, not to make it go away, or change it, but just to stay with someone else in that space.
Broken-hearted I think is another good term to describe it. Makes me fall in love with the world, with the sounds and music and the wooden tiles on the floor of my room.
Yet, this too will pass.

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My mother’s pain
or mine?

pure rawness
of the heart.

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