Finally again got to do my ngondro, it is always so hard to start again after not doing it for a while. I find that even though I’m looking forward to it, resistance still takes over.
Today I think I even managed to completely fall asleep during one part, sitting on my cushion. Amazing. :)
Also, with all the recent changes in our post-seminary curriculum that the Sakyong has been making, and my long stuckness in Karma Kagyu ngondro, I have finally made the decision to follow the path as it seems to be laid out now, which means Primordian Rigden ngondro as daily practice and schedule in a month of group practice before the Rigden Abisheka next year.
I’ve been going back and forth between this, as I do feel a connection with the Kagyu ngondro as well, and also feeling bad about not finishing something that I started, which is quite a pattern in my life anyway.
However, there really is no virtue in being stuck for so long.
Also, with the new layout Kagyu ngondro is done after Werma sadhana, and it is changed so that it is done by time, instead of by counting as well, which at least for me, is a great relief. At the rate I was going now, I’d finish this ngondro in 10 years or so. :( And as it was pointed out, ngondro means preliminary practice, preparation for sadhana, not something you do for so long. ;) It also helps that I totally love the liturgy of Primordial Rigden, it really speaks directly to me, and is extremely beautiful.

Did I mention that apparently Sakyong would like all of us to do 9 ngondros in our life? ;-) 3 times each (shambhala,kagyu,nyingma).