ngondro
Posted by Clarity on 28 Aug 2005 at 12:16 am | Tagged as: Buddhism
you know, i’ve never believed people who kept saying how hard ngondro was. Well, not that I thought they were not serious, but somehow I thought it would not be so hard for me. yeah, right, pretty arrogant, i know.
But perhaps I really will learn something about devotion, a subject that was always difficult for me.
Why? Because, there’s just no f*** way you’d do this crazy thing otherwise! You can’t do it with logic, with intention, you can’t think it through. Whatever you try, nothing works.
It just rips you apart completely. Sounds like fun, eh?
So, as I look at the face of my teacher, this moment it feels like it’s the only thing that will get me through this.
Perhaps ngondro leaves nothing behind but that…
Naturally, I too don’t think that the ngondro problem will happen to me.
Although I guess it’s also that I don’t want to think that it will be too hard before I even get one to do in the first place.
I have no problems with devotion, so maybe that will make it easier (although with practice I seem to exhibit many of the different forms of laziness–see your Shambhala training notes on trap of doubt). What is the nature of your difficulty around devotion? What is your experience of that issue or problem?
Rips you apart completely? Yes, it does sound like fun, actually, although not in the traditional way. I love to practice but it is kind of horrible sometimes. It’s not all nice and sweet and blissful like people always assume that it is. (”Oh, you meditate? I want to meditate, too. I want to relax!”) I guess you’re right with your irony since I’m sure it’s an amazing but arduous journey that you’re making. On behalf of myself and the few other sentient beings I know that will back me up on this, I thank you for making it.
IF you didn’t have a problem mustering devotional feelings you wouldn’t be doing buddhism to begin with. think about it–there is no god, but there is a highest reality and we call it “emptiness.” Very, very mental. Not much room for devotion unless you were raised with it.