genkaku » singing

Once you start to notice that things just turn out the way they turn out, that smidgen of doubt that is applied to situations comes itself into doubt. Why can’t I just do things full-bore and let the chips fall where they may? Since things turn out as they turn out, what need is there for safety? Perhaps it begins to feel as if I were leading a half a life, a shadow life, always at some remove, always playing it safe. Being in control doesn’t work. It doesn’t feel free or open or real. It feels, perhaps, trapped.